Dendroboard banner

1 - 20 of 32 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
341 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Well, the wife wants me to move out today for awhile. She wants us to be seperate to work on our argueing problem. Hopefully, everything will be alright. So, I'll try to post as much as I can.
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
8,667 Posts
That stinks. First, I hope you two can work out. Second, what's keeping her from moving out?

Much of this has to do with if you moved into this place together, whether you have a family, etc.

But I'm curious why it's just kind of assumed that you'll be doing the moving.

Again, the best to you as an individual, and as a couple.

s
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
341 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
I'm hypothesizing that she may have a problem with trying to be domineering. Also, she has a major prob with allowing her myriad of friends throughout the entirety of the day in the house. It wouldn't be so bad, but they're all ex-felons, and drug heads. Not to mention alot of stuff's been stolen, and hold no respect for me.
This is the second day away from home. It doesn't look promising. I called her, she seemed very happy with hangin' with her friends. Oh well, life goes on. I'll deal with it as it hits.
Thank you for being concerned. You've brung up things that made me think. I needed that.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,143 Posts
Good luck to you.
I understand though about not wanted drug heads in your house. I have a heroine addict family member who is no longer allowed at any ones house in the family.
But anyways best of luck to you. Do what is best for you.
There come a time when people need to grow up and realize there is better thing in like that you could be doing than drugs or drinking excessively. ( ok well maybe not drinking but you get the point)
Hope all works out the best for you
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,578 Posts
Just slice it off with your internal guillotine, and get on with your own life in your own direction. Move--get out and never communicate again for any reason. Don't even consider "working it out." Disappear and get your own life together and go on the way YOU want it. It's a loser, no-winner situation for you. If you are actually married, file for a divorce, document the very valid reasons, then don't discuss anything with her personally again for any reason, consult a lawyer. Otherwise, just disappear from her life. If you don't have children together yet, that will simplify things.

Never put up with a situation that is beyond your ability to control within your own terms of ethics, or with a partner who is not also a friend with the same ideas about life as you do. Move on.
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
8,667 Posts
I have to agree with Patty on this.

I've been through divorce. I've often joked that I'd rather kill someone, than see them go through a divorce.

You'll be happier moving on. It's not easy to say it (and my, it's so much tougher to do), but it is probably the right thing for you to do.

s
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,578 Posts
Even if you think you still love this person--like forever and ever-- believe me, you'll get over it by next June, once you cut the crap off with the current situation. Put a period at the end of your decision, once you make one. There are more interesting things to do in life than putting up with someone else's life style you don't particularly want to share, or with anyone who fails to respect you. You are being used, and she's obviously ready to dump you anyway. Retreat is not always cowardly; even in war, it's sometimes the most efficient battle plan.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,162 Posts
Hang it in there man. And if things are the way you described them, I second what Patty says. If you talk to her and see her, it will make it that much harder to leave her. You wont get over it right away, and there is no quick remedy for the pain you will feel. But it will go away over time. Friends help alot in these situations. Keep your head on straight and dont freak out. If you dont have a kid together, just cut the cords and run.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
99 Posts
Good luck.

I hope you work everything out to the best.

Andrea
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,271 Posts
I feel ya on this one... seems like it's going around. After dancing around it for a long time my girlfriend and I decided today that we need to part ways. We love each other, but we are just too different and cannot get on the same page on so many things that we need to be on the same page with. We both want to be together, but we also both know that in order for us to both be happy this is what we have to do. Sometimes you can love someone and the situation just isn't right, no matter how much you want it to be....
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
341 Posts
Discussion Starter #12
Wow! Listening to each one of you helps me relize alot. I've read every letter you all have written. Thank you.
I was married before, for four years. No children though. My ex-wife cheated on me seven times that I became aware of. The divorce process took a long, looong year. It took a couple of years more to get over it, but I did.
This time I've been married over four years. I finally came back home to talk, and get some cloths and other miscellaneous goods. She told me that she loved me and thought of me alot. She also gave a retorical question, she asked if I knew what it was like to be in a room full of people and feel alone. I'm still at the house and she left to help a friend out saying she'll see me saturday. To know wheather or not we're workable. ?????????. She seems to be happier to be away from me and around all her friends. I don't have a prob with her having friends, but I perfer them to be true friends. Sorry, feels good to vent. Anywho, she said that when I came back she both wanted me to stay, and yet, be out of her life. She said this in tears and earnestness. I treat her well, but sometimes people don't see that until it's too late. At least I still have the frogs and you all.
Thank you
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,162 Posts
Keep venting man. That's what this area is for. Sounds like she is super confused and a bit selfish. She loves you, but she wants to do her own thing and have you around when she misses you (that's what I get out of that). Sounds like she is pretty immature. My buddy is going through something similar right now with his wife. But they have a kid together and that makes it harder for him to leave her dumb a$$. He tells me all the time that he hates her and cant stand to be with her anymore. But he has trouble leaving because of the kid. Only 4 years old.

Who pays more in rent?? Whos place is it??? Sounds like you need to ask her to leave for awhile so that you can do your thing. See how she feels about that. They are always willing to ask us to do everything, but ask the same of them and we get kicked in the nuts pretty much.

Again, keep your head on straight, dont let emotions cloud your jugdement. And for all men, dont let the pooon get into your mind and cloud things up either 8)


~John
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
13,229 Posts
Seeing that he is in Ohio he has to be careful. This state will screw any man no matter what the situation. I have had a couple of friends get completely screwed over by the court system here. One was a great husband, dad, and his wife cheated on him multiple times and he even attempted counseling and etc to try to save it. She also has a documented history of mental illness. In the end she still got the kids and alimony... Sadly I am all for womens rights but when it comes to divorce we men get absolutely screwed!

Best of luck, and as everyone said think about whats right and not what you wish it could be.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,414 Posts
Good luck man... just remember that sometimes it's better to use the head on your shoulders than the heart on your chest. It's hard, I know, but necessary.

Cut the cords and go (or gently use your foot to clear your home).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
291 Posts
kyle1745 said:
Seeing that he is in Ohio he has to be careful. This state will screw any man no matter what the situation.
I disagree Kyle. I'm sure there are exceptions but when I got divorced (in Ohio) I was very concerned that he would be able to collect alimony if he went after it. (I made significantly more than he did.) My attorney assured me that alimony was only given if one of the partners didn't work and was only a short term deal here in Ohio (meaning you only had a short time to get into the workforce before the courts ended the alimony payments). Since we both worked neither of us could even try for alimony according to my attorney.

Heck when my parents got divorced my mother hadn't worked in 19 years and she didn't get alimony. She did get child support and custody of the kids though. (Of course this was 20+ years ago.)

I do think Ohio is biased on who gets kids in a divorce. Probably 9 out of 10 end up with the mothers which is a shame because that is not always the best place for the kids.

It sounds to me from the comment
she asked if I knew what it was like to be in a room full of people and feel alone
that she is deeply depressed. I would highly recommend trying to gently prod her into going to a psychiatrist. You can't make her go but if you want to stay with her it may help. Getting the right mix of medication will be difficult to go through for you and her but getting her on medication to help control the depression might help with your relationship and with her choice of friends. She's got to want to feel better though - you can't do it for her.

Irregardless you need to do what you feel is best for yourself in this situation. For me divorce was the best thing I've ever done for myself. It empowered me to be able to say "enough is enough" and think of myself for a change. Unfortunately it took a year to go through the process - which I think is way too long - but it was well worth it in the end.

Good luck with the decisions you need to make in the upcoming months. I hope that you are able to make the right ones for you even if they are difficult. Despite wanting my divorce, going through with it made that year one of the roughest years I've ever had in my life. The emotions you go through are intense and sometimes even scary. It's not a decision to be taken lightly and not a fun thing to go through. Sometimes, though, we need to hurt a little before we can feel better. Do what's right for you.
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
13,229 Posts
Ill have to see if I can find the old article but Ohio is the second worst state for a male in a divorce. I do beleive kids were a factor in their rating and if I remember correctly we were the worst.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
291 Posts
I agree that the kids are more likely to go to the mother. She could be a horrible mother and she'd still get them. We have a long way to go before that's equal. My point was that as long as she's working alimony shouldn't be a factor. That is if he even decides on a divorce. I'm sure there are a lot more factors at play than can and are published on this thread. There is a lot to think about and decisions like this shouldn't be taken lightly.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,788 Posts
Divorcing with kids involved sucks in any of the states to be honest..... And yes they all say we look at whats best for the child biggest lot of bollocks I ever heard!

Good luck in your situation man it's not easy really it isn't but your alright eventually :wink:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
341 Posts
Discussion Starter #20
Sorry for taking so long to respond. I've been pretty buisy. I went back for three days to attempt to work things out. Come to find out, I found out a few newsbreaking stories with her and I. After her and I lived apart she kissed a girl. She said that was all it was. I'm not sure I believe her. And also, she fessed up to taking shroons and tried meth.
She ended up telling me we're over. I moved out and now she won't let me have my stuff. I thought about taking a sherriff over to the house to get everything of mine. I had a ginormous T.V., a 55 gallon aquarium with stand and hood, a couple of monitor lizards with an eight-foot enclosure, along with other things. She also kept both vehicles. After I moved out I rushed over to the bank to withdraw all my money to buy a car, given the fact I work probably fifty miles away, and her and her family weren't going to allow me to bring any of the vehicles out of Hillsboro. That's along story. She called me up yelling that she needed the money to pay the bills. Yet, she wouldn't let me stay there. I figured that if I can't stay there I'm not paying on anything she has chosen to take on herself. No children involved, so that made it an easier yet still difficult desision. I hated watching everything fall apart. Not only did I have to uproot myself, but also, she is now forced to quit college to take on another job, and sell things around the house to pay bills. I begged her to not end us. She refused. I treated her well. I never hit her, and never cheated on her. I held a job down for a long time. I did this for us. And yet, she would rather see her life fall apart, rather then work it out. Again, I'll say, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. The money I withdrew was from my checks. Boy, she was irate. She changed her cell phone number, and the comical thing with that is, it's in my name. But I still haven't cancelled it. I'll probably pay for that one soon enough.
She said she won't ever divorce me. Yet, she said we're over. It makes no sense to me at all. I really think she's seeing someone else. Probably moved them in. I'm not a very jealous guy. But I know when I'm being played.
Thanks everyone for the helpful advice.
Oh, by the way, after all this is overwith and the dust has settled, I'm buying a house in Australia. At least I have some plan, so my world doesn't come crashing down. The funny thing is, at the drop of a hat I would have abandoned the plans for Australia, or any other things, for her, but I guess she just doesn't care.
 
1 - 20 of 32 Posts
Top