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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Yet again. How people are completely stupid. I have a joke afterwords that are based on true consumer labels that will tie this all together. I am not a genius but I am also not an ignorant fool. ;)
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The Urban Pantheist - Teen loses arm to alligator; blames animal rights activists

Teen loses arm to alligator; blames animal rights activists

Here's a snip:

cross posted to [info]animal_attacks

"He and his buddies were drinking beer earlier, but he wasn't drunk when he decided to swim in a canal full of alligators at two in the morning. No, this is the fault of activists who saved the species from extinction, not his own poor judgment, or the over development of Florida's wetlands. He credits someone else for the fact that he survived--if I were his friends, I'd be mad: "It was us that pulled you out of that canal, dummy. God sent the alligator for your arm."

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Jokes From:two corny but chuckling jokes
Comments by them.

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)
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Do I not believe, "Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible." I think natural selection just isn't done yet. ;)
 

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Hmmmm, I'm sure it's not all people from Florida, I'm just saying.......... ;)

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A Florida woman called 911 on Sunday saying she was locked inside her car. Turns out all she needed to do was manually pull up the lock on the door.

The Orlando Sentinel reports that the unidentified woman was parked at a Walgreen's store in Kissimmee.

"My car will not start. I'm locked inside my car," the unidentified woman said. "Nothing electrical works. And it's getting very hot in here, and I'm not feeling well."

The dispatcher then suggested pulling up the lock. The woman tried it and said she was successfully able to open the door.

Woman Calls 911: I'm Locked in My Car

Deb
 

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Discussion Starter #6
I was taking a break in between doing my course work and I always seem to find the most ridiculous things on the net. LOL Glad you all enjoy it!
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Hmmmm, I'm sure it's not all people from Florida, I'm just saying.......... ;)

*********************************************************

A Florida woman called 911 on Sunday saying she was locked inside her car. Turns out all she needed to do was manually pull up the lock on the door.

The Orlando Sentinel reports that the unidentified woman was parked at a Walgreen's store in Kissimmee.

"My car will not start. I'm locked inside my car," the unidentified woman said. "Nothing electrical works. And it's getting very hot in here, and I'm not feeling well."

The dispatcher then suggested pulling up the lock. The woman tried it and said she was successfully able to open the door.

Woman Calls 911: I'm Locked in My Car

Deb
Oh my. I guess hysteria can really pull some [email protected] on some people. LOL
 

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hahaaha i remeber that orlando one!!


as for the kid and the alligator... if he was soo smart and knew about alligators he would know that NIGHT 2:30 am is prime feeding time for them as well!
 

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My coworker told me this story of when she and her husband were on their honeymoon in Hawaii. I guess you can rent Jeep Wranglers with the plastic windows there and drive them along the winding mountain roads (never been there) where you're lucky if you see another tourist every few miles or so. Well they came along this winding bend to a look out point where a couple who had also rented a jeep was parked. They were fighting and screaming at each other and in near hysterics because the husband had locked the keys in the jeep. They immediately ran up to my coworker and asked if they could borrow their key to unlock their car. She just looked at them like they were crazy for several reasons. First being that the key wasn't going to work. But most obviously being that as she explained to them all they had to do was unzip their jeep's window to get inside their car.
 

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A lot of those warning labels are the result of law suits or the fear of law suits

for example see M-LAW's Wacky Warning Labels

Often if there has been an injury or damage claim the result is a law suit and an additional warning label so other people won't do the same thing. For example my snow thrower came with do not operate on shingled roof and do not operate on roof warning labels.

Ed
 

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Discussion Starter #13 (Edited)
A lot of those warning labels are the result of law suits or the fear of law suits

for example see M-LAW's Wacky Warning Labels

Often if there has been an injury or damage claim the result is a law suit and an additional warning label so other people won't do the same thing. For example my snow thrower came with do not operate on shingled roof and do not operate on roof warning labels.

Ed
Yup. I totally agree (and knew about this as I had this conversation a long time ago when I saw the lawsuit about the coffee at McDonald's being to hot with no warning label.). Common sense eludes people all the time. With the smell of money in the air and the stupidity of people dictates the the reason for these labels. ;) I just wanted to point it out that people are reasonably unstable, for example, the warning label, "Do not dry animals in the microwave."
 

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Yup. I totally agree and knew about this. Common sense eludes people all the time. With the smell of money in the air and the stupidity of people dictates the the reason for these labels. ;) I just wanted to point it out that people are reasonably unstable, for example, the warning label, "Do not dry animals in the microwave."
Read through the link.. there is one there about not putting the baby in the bag...

Ed
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Read through the link.. there is one there about not putting the baby in the bag...

Ed
Yeah I saw it. I am not sure what the think on this, well I really do but it wouldn't be appropriate to post as I am a father of two or about to be anyway.

Quoted from the site:

If you are opening bills, you might want to put blinders on, but one manufacturer of letter openers recommends this:
Honorable mention goes to Cyndi LaMonde of Traverse City, Michigan for a warning label on a letter opener that says: "Caution: Safety goggles recommended."

Baby Strollers have seats for a reason... The $100 third place prize goes to Richard Goodnow of Lancaster, Massachusetts for a label on a baby-stroller featuring a small storage pouch that warns, "Do not put child in bag."
 

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Discussion Starter #16 (Edited)
I wish I could get paid to write all these labels. I don't know what would be worse that I am being paid to have write them because people are stupid enough that I have too or that these people will try various things because they don't have labels telling them not too (whether knowing or unknowingly).

I like to get paid though. ;) I can do that all day.
"Caution: Cell phones can kill people while being thrown against human targets."
"Caution: Pet Warning: Chimpanzees may bite and Maul you if angered."
 

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Discussion Starter #17
My coworker told me this story of when she and her husband were on their honeymoon in Hawaii. I guess you can rent Jeep Wranglers with the plastic windows there and drive them along the winding mountain roads (never been there) where you're lucky if you see another tourist every few miles or so. Well they came along this winding bend to a look out point where a couple who had also rented a jeep was parked. They were fighting and screaming at each other and in near hysterics because the husband had locked the keys in the jeep. They immediately ran up to my coworker and asked if they could borrow their key to unlock their car. She just looked at them like they were crazy for several reasons. First being that the key wasn't going to work. But most obviously being that as she explained to them all they had to do was unzip their jeep's window to get inside their car.
I would have loved to have seen this. :D
 

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A few years back, I was on my way home from work on a snowy night and I found a woman stranded in a snow covered field in a Ford SUV (Excursion or Expedition, IIRC)

I pulled over to the side of the road, and she rolled her window down about an inch. She was crying, and said that she had been stuck for about an hour, and she didn't have her cell phone with her.

She was only in about 1" of snow, and she didn't seem stuck. I told her to hit the gas, and saw only one tire spinning.

I asked her if she had it in 4 wheel drive, she kept responding "yes, it has 4 wheel drive". I asked her if she pressed the little button that said 4x4, just kept responding "YES, IT HAS 4 wheel drive".

Finally, I gave up, and told her to get out of the truck. I hopped in, pressed the 4x4 button on her dash, and drove it back up on to the pavement for her. Once on dry pavement, I gave her a quick lesson on how 4 wheel drive worked.
 
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