Comic relief thread. - Dendroboard
Dendroboard

Go Back   Dendroboard > Miscellaneous > The Lounge
Register Blogs FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read Advertise

Support Our Sponsors
No Threads to Display.

facebook

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 09-02-2010, 04:50 PM
earthfrog's Avatar
TWI/ASN
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 3,152
Blog Entries: 10
Thanks: 412
Thanked 93 Times in 79 Posts
Default Comic relief thread.

This is a place to go to relax and make jokes in a nice and polite way because that is what is really funny. Prior overdose of theobromine and two weeks of operant conditioning in the Lounge is highly recommended.

Go for it...
__________________
Susan
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 09-02-2010, 04:56 PM
earthfrog's Avatar
TWI/ASN
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 3,152
Blog Entries: 10
Thanks: 412
Thanked 93 Times in 79 Posts
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

Don't try to make a joke if you are under the influence of propaganda or think animal cruelty is funny. Driving while joking is not recommended. Users or participants in random joking cannot be held liable for damage caused to the sensibility or general emotional state of other users. No legal liability for joking or offending through said jokes can be assumed or implied in the context of said 'Lounge' forum.
You assert that as a 'joker' in the 'Lounge' you will conform to the stringent guidelines thereby and limit your jokes to frog-club related statements.

OK, now go.
__________________
Susan
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 09-02-2010, 05:11 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 995
Thanks: 356
Thanked 41 Times in 36 Posts
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

heres a funny poster:

Reply With Quote
 
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 09-03-2010, 06:27 AM
earthfrog's Avatar
TWI/ASN
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 3,152
Blog Entries: 10
Thanks: 412
Thanked 93 Times in 79 Posts
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

Are there not any sit-down comedians in this house?

OK, here's a riddle.

Question: Why did the dart frog cross the road?

Post answers, then I'll post mine...
__________________
Susan

Last edited by earthfrog; 09-03-2010 at 06:37 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 09-03-2010, 09:08 AM
fleshfrombone's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,605
Thanks: 61
Thanked 124 Times in 75 Posts
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

I have a warped sense of humor due to being desensitized so the things I think are funny are often shocking and/or bizarre so I'll have to refrain.
__________________
Ranitomeya Adelphobates Ameeraga Hyloxalus Dendrobates Oophaga
Μολὼν λαβέ
[X]Gun Owner [ ]Victim
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 09-03-2010, 01:33 PM
JimO's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: St. Augustine, FL
Posts: 2,083
Thanks: 121
Thanked 135 Times in 96 Posts
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

Quote:
Originally Posted by earthfrog View Post
Are there not any sit-down comedians in this house?

OK, here's a riddle.

Question: Why did the dart frog cross the road?

Post answers, then I'll post mine...
To meet up with his girlfriend (a different morph). He had to cross at night because frog scientists all over the world had made it politically incorrect to associate with a different morph.
__________________
What happened when the frog double parked?
He got toad...
Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 09-03-2010, 01:39 PM
JimO's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: St. Augustine, FL
Posts: 2,083
Thanks: 121
Thanked 135 Times in 96 Posts
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

Here's one for the musicians out there

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mne shaft?

A flat miner...

Did you hear about the vulture who was boarding a flight to New York and was holding two dead raccoons? The flight attendant said, "Sorry sir, only one carrion per passenger.

A guy goes to the doc with a pain in his side. The doc puts him on the exam table, goes out and brings in a kitten, placing it on the man's chest. After a few minutes, the doc takes the kitten out and brings in a Laborador retriever, who sniffs the man a few times and leaves. The doc says, "Well, I find nothing wrong with you, that'll be $1,200. The guy exclaims, "What for!" The doc responds "$800 for the cat scan and $400 for the lab work."

I have a million of them.
__________________
What happened when the frog double parked?
He got toad...
Reply With Quote
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 09-03-2010, 02:20 PM
RarePlantBroker's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 903
Thanks: 9
Thanked 37 Times in 30 Posts
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

How do you catch a polar bear?

You go out on the ice and cut a hole. Then you place a circle of peas around the hole. When he comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice-hole.
__________________
Alasdair
Reply With Quote
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 09-03-2010, 03:19 PM
Bcs TX's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Plano, Texas
Posts: 1,480
Thanks: 239
Thanked 57 Times in 47 Posts
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

Here are a few from the late Mitch Hedburg:

I like cottage cheese. That's why I want to try other dwelling cheeses, too. How about studio apartment cheese? Tent cheese? Mobile home cheese? Do not eat mobile home cheese in a tornado.


I walked by a dry cleaner at 3 am, and there was a sign: "Sorry, we're closed" You don't have to be sorry, it's 3 am, and you're a dry cleaner! It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open! I'm not gonna walk in at 10 am and say "I walked by here at 3 and you were closed - somebody owes me an apology!"
Reply With Quote
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 09-03-2010, 03:36 PM
earthfrog's Avatar
TWI/ASN
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 3,152
Blog Entries: 10
Thanks: 412
Thanked 93 Times in 79 Posts
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bcs TX View Post

I walked by a dry cleaner at 3 am, and there was a sign: "Sorry, we're closed" You don't have to be sorry, it's 3 am, and you're a dry cleaner! It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open! I'm not gonna walk in at 10 am and say "I walked by here at 3 and you were closed - somebody owes me an apology!"
good one. My thanks button is broken.
__________________
Susan
Reply With Quote
  #11 (permalink)  
Old 09-03-2010, 03:37 PM
earthfrog's Avatar
TWI/ASN
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 3,152
Blog Entries: 10
Thanks: 412
Thanked 93 Times in 79 Posts
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RarePlantBroker View Post
How do you catch a polar bear?

You go out on the ice and cut a hole. Then you place a circle of peas around the hole. When he comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice-hole.
very sneaky...
Have you tried this?
__________________
Susan
Reply With Quote
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 09-03-2010, 03:38 PM
earthfrog's Avatar
TWI/ASN
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 3,152
Blog Entries: 10
Thanks: 412
Thanked 93 Times in 79 Posts
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

Quote:
Originally Posted by boabab95 View Post
heres a funny poster:

That's excellent.

I like the baby one that says, "Explanation: I Demand One."
__________________
Susan
Reply With Quote
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 09-03-2010, 03:45 PM
earthfrog's Avatar
TWI/ASN
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 3,152
Blog Entries: 10
Thanks: 412
Thanked 93 Times in 79 Posts
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

Question: Why did the dart frog cross the road?


Answer: Because the IUCN threatened him.
__________________
Susan
Reply With Quote
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 09-03-2010, 04:06 PM
JimO's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: St. Augustine, FL
Posts: 2,083
Thanks: 121
Thanked 135 Times in 96 Posts
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

What do you call a cow with two legs shorter than the other?

Lean beef

How about a cow with no legs?

Ground beef

And a pig with no legs?

A ground hog

What about a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter, he won't come anyway.

I have dog with no legs named Cigar. Every morning I take him out for a drag.

I know, I'm sick...
__________________
What happened when the frog double parked?
He got toad...
Reply With Quote
  #15 (permalink)  
Old 09-03-2010, 05:25 PM
Dedicated Supporter
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 5,114
Thanks: 175
Thanked 203 Times in 150 Posts
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

A guy walks into a bar holding a chunk of asphalt, he says` to the bartender gimme a beer and I`ll take one for the road.

John
__________________
John
Reply With Quote
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 09-03-2010, 06:06 PM
earthfrog's Avatar
TWI/ASN
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 3,152
Blog Entries: 10
Thanks: 412
Thanked 93 Times in 79 Posts
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

Next one---post the answers:

How many froggers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
__________________
Susan
Reply With Quote
  #17 (permalink)  
Old 09-03-2010, 06:09 PM
earthfrog's Avatar
TWI/ASN
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 3,152
Blog Entries: 10
Thanks: 412
Thanked 93 Times in 79 Posts
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

Quote:
Originally Posted by earthfrog View Post
How many froggers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Answer: None. They can't afford the lightbulb in the first place b/c they spent all their money on frogs...
__________________
Susan
Reply With Quote
  #18 (permalink)  
Old 09-03-2010, 06:34 PM
earthfrog's Avatar
TWI/ASN
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 3,152
Blog Entries: 10
Thanks: 412
Thanked 93 Times in 79 Posts
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

Quote:
Originally Posted by fleshfrombone View Post
I have a warped sense of humor due to being desensitized so the things I think are funny are often shocking and/or bizarre so I'll have to refrain.
here's one:
Question: What goes in one hand and out the other?

Answer: Electricity

*wahwah*
__________________
Susan
Reply With Quote
  #19 (permalink)  
Old 09-03-2010, 08:16 PM
Anoleo2's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Peterborough, New Hampshire
Posts: 1,219
Thanks: 4
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

Why do seagulls live by the sea?

If they lived by the bay they'd be called bagels.


Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.


How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

... Just Juan. (say it out loud)
__________________
Chris B.
Reply With Quote
  #20 (permalink)  
Old 09-03-2010, 08:53 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 21
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

This one is for all the math lover's

Life would be pointless with Geometry.
Reply With Quote
  #21 (permalink)  
Old 09-03-2010, 09:21 PM
JoshK's Avatar
TWI/ASN
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 1,231
Thanks: 90
Thanked 41 Times in 26 Posts
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

BAD COUNTRY SONG TITLES


- I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Getting Better
- Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
- If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
- My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him
- Two More Beers And You'll Be Beautiful
- I Liked You Better Before I knew You So Well
- Mama Get A Hammer(There's A Fly On Papas Head)
- I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
- I'm so Miserable Without You, It's Almost Like You Never Left
__________________
Josh
Reply With Quote
  #22 (permalink)  
Old 09-03-2010, 10:53 PM
nathan's Avatar
Contributing Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Royal oak Mi
Posts: 1,520
Thanks: 19
Thanked 19 Times in 7 Posts
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

KNOCK KNOCK !

Whos there?

Owls go

Owls go who?

EXACTLY !
Reply With Quote
  #23 (permalink)  
Old 09-03-2010, 11:55 PM
JimO's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: St. Augustine, FL
Posts: 2,083
Thanks: 121
Thanked 135 Times in 96 Posts
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

My favorite Hedburg joke:

My friend came to me and said, hey, look at these of me when I was younger. I said, dude, every picture of you is a picture of you when you were younger...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bcs TX View Post
Here are a few from the late Mitch Hedburg:

I like cottage cheese. That's why I want to try other dwelling cheeses, too. How about studio apartment cheese? Tent cheese? Mobile home cheese? Do not eat mobile home cheese in a tornado.


I walked by a dry cleaner at 3 am, and there was a sign: "Sorry, we're closed" You don't have to be sorry, it's 3 am, and you're a dry cleaner! It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open! I'm not gonna walk in at 10 am and say "I walked by here at 3 and you were closed - somebody owes me an apology!"
__________________
What happened when the frog double parked?
He got toad...
Reply With Quote
  #24 (permalink)  
Old 09-04-2010, 12:01 AM
Woodsman's Avatar
Dedicated Supporter
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Staten Island, NYC
Posts: 2,747
Thanks: 340
Thanked 299 Times in 222 Posts
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

As told to me by a four year old:

Why did the Elephant stand on the Marshmallow?

To keep from falling into the hot cocoa!

Richard.
__________________
Richard Lynch (Giant Orange, Regina, Citronella, Suriname Cobalt, Powderblue, Alanis, Azureus, Patricia, Oyapok, Green Sip, tinc Nominat, Leucomelas).
__________________________________________________ _______________________
If you raise poison dart frogs, you can't say that you'd never hurt a fly!!
Reply With Quote
  #25 (permalink)  
Old 09-04-2010, 02:21 PM
Bcs TX's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Plano, Texas
Posts: 1,480
Thanks: 239
Thanked 57 Times in 47 Posts
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

This one is my favorite from Mitch Headburg:

"When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it's busy they start a waiting list. They start calling out names, they say "Dufresne, party of two. Dufresne, party of two." And if no one answers they'll say their name again. "Dufresne, party of two, Dufresne, party of two." But then if no one answers they'll just go right on to the next name. "Bush, party of three." Yeah, what happened to the Dufresnes? No one seems to care. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing! You guys are selfish. The Dufresnes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they're hungry. That's a double whammy. Bush, search party of three, you can eat when you find the Dufresnes".

-Beth
Reply With Quote
  #26 (permalink)  
Old 09-04-2010, 02:53 PM
JimO's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: St. Augustine, FL
Posts: 2,083
Thanks: 121
Thanked 135 Times in 96 Posts
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

That's one of my favorites too. I also liked the one where he says he like to open up a renegade McDonald's. A customer would come up and ask for a Big Mac and he'd say,"We don't have Big Mac, but we have spaghetti, and blankets." This is paraphrased of course.


And when he says "I used to do drugs...I still do, but I used to too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bcs TX View Post
This one is my favorite from Mitch Headburg:

"When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it's busy they start a waiting list. They start calling out names, they say "Dufresne, party of two. Dufresne, party of two." And if no one answers they'll say their name again. "Dufresne, party of two, Dufresne, party of two." But then if no one answers they'll just go right on to the next name. "Bush, party of three." Yeah, what happened to the Dufresnes? No one seems to care. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing! You guys are selfish. The Dufresnes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they're hungry. That's a double whammy. Bush, search party of three, you can eat when you find the Dufresnes".

-Beth
__________________
What happened when the frog double parked?
He got toad...
Reply With Quote
  #27 (permalink)  
Old 09-04-2010, 02:59 PM
JimO's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: St. Augustine, FL
Posts: 2,083
Thanks: 121
Thanked 135 Times in 96 Posts
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

Here are some good headlines from newspapers:
Attached Images
File Type: jpg alive.jpg (68.0 KB, 2 views)
File Type: jpg literacy.jpg (79.6 KB, 0 views)
File Type: jpg braaiinnss.jpg (76.0 KB, 0 views)
File Type: jpg composite.jpg (78.4 KB, 2 views)
File Type: jpg gibberish.jpg (74.9 KB, 2 views)
File Type: jpg weather.jpg (71.4 KB, 0 views)
__________________
What happened when the frog double parked?
He got toad...
Reply With Quote
  #28 (permalink)  
Old 09-05-2010, 03:17 AM
earthfrog's Avatar
TWI/ASN
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 3,152
Blog Entries: 10
Thanks: 412
Thanked 93 Times in 79 Posts
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

Question: If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, does it make a sound?

Answer: It depends on a number of variables----

aw, forget it. Yes, it makes a 'crunch sound'.
__________________
Susan
Reply With Quote
  #29 (permalink)  
Old 09-12-2010, 07:21 PM
earthfrog's Avatar
TWI/ASN
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 3,152
Blog Entries: 10
Thanks: 412
Thanked 93 Times in 79 Posts
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

Q: What flavor of custard does a dart frog love most?



A: Lehmanni.
__________________
Susan
Reply With Quote
  #30 (permalink)  
Old 09-12-2010, 07:48 PM
Dedicated Supporter
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 5,114
Thanks: 175
Thanked 203 Times in 150 Posts
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

Top 10 reasons why it`s great to be a frog-

10. Babes are always kissing you because they think you`ll turn into a prince.
9. Flies on your food are a bonus.
8. You`re above toads on the food chain.
7. Green goes with absolutely everything!
6. Pond Scum is a term of endearment.
5. Most restaurants have a no-croaking section.
4. Amphibians are at a minimum risk of appearing on Geraldo.
3. You can reach places with you tongue no one else can
2. You can donate your body to science for big bucks.
1. It sure beats being a newt.

John
__________________
John

Last edited by Enlightened Rogue; 09-12-2010 at 07:51 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #31 (permalink)  
Old 09-12-2010, 08:11 PM
flapjax3000's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Savannah, GA
Posts: 776
Thanks: 16
Thanked 42 Times in 28 Posts
Default Re: Comic relief thread.

Heres some more Hedberg.

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Quick comic GSXR_MURRHEE The Lounge 5 03-24-2009 01:03 AM
Hurricane Relief joshsfrogs The Lounge 1 06-22-2006 07:02 PM
Pressure relief valve? wishIwereAnExpert Parts & Construction 6 05-12-2006 05:57 PM
Some comic relief....You might be a frog nut if...... melissa68 The Lounge 41 12-27-2004 07:27 PM

Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v3.2.3

All times are GMT. The time now is 01:13 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2020 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.