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Old 08-01-2008, 08:09 PM
Devin Edmonds's Avatar
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Default Frog-room spiders head upstairs

A funny email I received from my dad. I loaned/sold all my amphibians in June to take a temporary job out of state. The frogs had been in the parent's basement for about 5 years until this summer, here is a message I received from my dad today...

"Devin - I don't think we told you about the spider combat that followed the removal of your frogs. A few days after you left for California, we noticed that there were more long-legged cellar spiders than usual in the shower. Julia is slightly phobic about spiders, so we heard about every one.

At first I just squashed them with a piece of toilet paper. But it became such a regular occurence that I decided to move the fly swatter into the bathroom. Because the fly swatter normally hangs on the back of the cellar door, it dawned on me when I opened the door that the spiders were migrating up from the cellar in search of food.

After a few days without fruit flies and crickets in their webs, large numbers of them had apparently been forced to vacate the basement. I could only imagine the horrific wars over territory that must have been going on down there, as they grappled for the few locations where there were still some small insects to eat. Presumably only the weakest were pushed out of the basement altogether and forced to seek sustenance in the wilderness of the upper stories. If there is a spider Homer, no doubt he was reciting the Arachnid Illiad down there for a few days.

Soon we began to find them everywhere. Any corner where two walls meet a ceiling is a prime location. Every morning I would get up, grab the fly swatter, and clear out the bathroom, then the hallway, and then the family room, so that when Julia woke up she wouldn't see any. It was not unusual for me to kill eight, ten, even 15 spiders per morning, for a couple weeks running.

They didn't seem to like the kitchen much, although a few adventurous ones found their way in. The furthest afield that we saw any was on the second floor. Unfortunately, one was directly over Julia's pillow at bedtime; another was under her loft a night or two later. She's had to be very brave.

After three or four weeks of Dad vs. Daddy-Long-Legs, their numbers began to decrease. Also, of those that I found, a high proportion were immature ones no more than an inch in diameter. I thought I was finally winning.

But then this morning I found another flock of large, robust ones in the bathroom. It made me wonder if the basement has at last been eaten clean of the best food, and the strongest of the hardy warriors have now had to set forth on their Odyssey into the upper reaches of the universe. Little do they know that they will be greeted by the merciless slap of Dad (followed by a deft scrape, to remove the carcass).

I still feel a little guilty, and sometimes I silently apologize before bringing death and doom down on one. But, I have my limits. - Dad"
Devin Edmonds
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Old 08-01-2008, 08:29 PM
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Default Re: Frog-room spiders head upstairs

Omg thats hilarious I love how he took such a theatrical aproach to the whole thing. too funny

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Old 08-01-2008, 08:51 PM
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Default Re: Frog-room spiders head upstairs

So we see where you get your writing talents from Devin.

s :?
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Old 08-01-2008, 11:13 PM
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Default Re: Frog-room spiders head upstairs

ROTFL That is too good.
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Old 08-03-2008, 01:00 AM
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Default Re: Frog-room spiders head upstairs

That is very funny! :lol:
Did you just write back and tell him to open a FF culture in the basement and maybe they would move back? I would totally be grossed out like Julia - poor girl...
Hope things get better!
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Old 08-03-2008, 03:41 AM
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Default Re: Frog-room spiders head upstairs

still laughing and in awe over his approach to his writing! really, sounds like it came right out of a movie. he'd make an excellent screenwriter lol that is soooo funny. intellgent dad=intellegent son i'd hope :wink: I felt like i was reading the prime excitement of a book that just drew me right in, even to read the lengthy yet very intriguing message. if my father were to speak to me like that, it'll be the day i die. lol to say the least your dad is amazing with words and humor...thanks for sharing. Now where do i find a father like that? :lol: kristy
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Old 08-03-2008, 11:46 AM
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Default Re: Frog-room spiders head upstairs

Thats good stuff, and very creative.
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Old 08-07-2008, 05:47 PM
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Default Re: Frog-room spiders head upstairs

WOW, dad definitely has serious skill w/ the pen and the swatter by now . And, if my wife were to read this I'm sure she would lose it!!!!!! But I love a good story and that one takes the cake. 8)
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