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Thread: Parents... ugh!
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Old 11-06-2005, 02:23 AM
slaytonp's Avatar
slaytonp slaytonp is offline
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Location: Pahsimeroi, Idaho
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Unfortunately, this kind of scenario is NOT out of the ordinary or far-fetched. I don't see anything wrong with venting in a "lounge" discussion. It's not really public, and is a lot safer than acting out or "advertising" locally, except this isn't a site full of psychology experts and none of us really has been able to give a practical answer for handling the situation by yourself. While God may indeed love you, He doesn't seem to do much counseling or change a situation in all of His omnipotence on a personal everyday basis. There is such a thing as family counseling, and although it costs money, you might suggest it to your parents. These counselors are bound by law to keep it private. Some are better than others at it, but your parents don't sound like they are so over the top abusive to each other that they wouldn't benefit by it.

The kids I have dealt with have actually run away from home or have been dumped on my doorstep, or when my own kids were in their teens, simply brought home by them when their home situations were impossible. I've never done "paid by the State" fostering, and have no credentials as a person who knows what to do with these situations. They just happened to me. Over the years, I have "harbored" about 17 of them, young children temporarily, and teenagers, many with drug problems, for periods of four to ten years. Believe me, their parents all "sucked" a lot more than yours do.

I brought the latest, home from the hospital where he'd ended up after doing drugs and having a severe anxiety attack. He had run away from home at age 12 because of abuse, to live with an uncle who dealt drugs and "taught" him to use them. The locals were about to send him off to an institution because he'd been diagnosed as "learning disabled," or in other words, "mentally retarded." He is not, and I knew it. He couldn't read or write, but he'd never been taught these skills because he was seldom in school. His family consists of 7 siblings, all by different fathers, some of which his mother married, some of which she didn't, including his own father he relatively recently discovered was a drug dealer from Mexico that she'd met when her husband and father of the eldest brother was in the hospital with a broken back after riding a bull at a rodeo. He had always thought his Dad was this same cowboy who committed suicide just before he was born, wondered why, and was always confused because his grandparents on that side of the family always treated him like dirt. One of his mother's various boyfriends molested his younger sister in the bathroom of the "mobile home" they were living in and when he heard her crying, he tried to interfere. He was six and she was five years old. This creep beat him up and nailed him in a crate, where he was confined for he says seemed like a couple of days, and told him if he ever told, he would kill him. Nice?? He never told until he told me some 7 years later. While he was living with me and catching up to graduate from high school, his mother dumped a younger brother, Josh, crying on my doorstep, when her latest paramour, she had actually married and had another child by, had been accused of molesting another of his younger sisters as well as the older one, now in her teens. The girls tattled so she was forced to take off and not live with him anymore or the State would take her children. I had given Ben a car to drive to school with, and she took that and disappeared with the two little girls she had left and hadn't thrown away yet. So I've had these two boys, for many years, now of age, grown to adults. Ben is 26 and living in a different, but close-by community, working and doing what he likes best-- his music. He's still very much a part of my life. Josh is still here with me. He's 22. We have set up a big barn for his mechanics and he is repairing motors, restoring old cars, rebuilding motorcycles. He's also good at construction work--my daughter taught him. She's a building contractor. He helps me with heavy chores, and otherwise just does his own thing. He's a mechanical genius and a wheeler-dealer. He has sometimes found a part he needs for something on the side of the road. He can make anything run, so he's going to do well. He survived the crap better than anyone.

I'm not rid of the family, however. One of the girls likes horses, so is keeping hers with mine and Ben's. She moved in for awhile when she couldn't stand her mother's latest squeeze, but I told her I was not into babysitting at my age, so when her mother left the last SOB, she moved back in with her mother and the other molested sister--all renting a house together. She got married at 14 to a druggy loser, with several past wives, age 30, raised his kids for several years, filed for divorce, but got pregnant in the meantime by someone else she didn't much like, so took up with a younger boy, still in high school. Her baby is due any time now, and this high school boy is saying how much he loves her and that he will help raise the baby that isn't his. Oh Lordy, give me a break. In the meantime, she talked her mother into buying a horse for recreation, even though her mother can barely make her share of the rent in her newest situation working at the grocery store stocking shelves. Who is keeping this horse and paying the feed bill, as well as doing its other maintenance? Me. I said "No," but my "no's" never seem to influence anyone much. I came home from a vacation to find it in my corral anyway. Mother and the pregnant daughter were all thrilled about it for about a day and a half. It was in bad shape, so I had to do some worming and hoof trimming. It's a scared up, (looks like it had been beat with barbed wire at one time,) but sweet Arab gelding. Mother has never come out here to ride the horse or even talk to it since it arrived. One thing about keeping her children here over the years, is she certainly never interferred by speaking to me or taking an interest in them. They still love her unconditionally. This says a lot for them. Keep this in mind, when you think YOUR parents suck.

I am venting in public myself. And it isn't even a part of the story of this totally screwed up "family." When the mother was told by the State to try to collect child support from one of the "fathers," it was revealed that she couldn't because he was dead. He'd been murdered by some prison inmates after he'd been sent there on a charge of child molesting. This was the same guy who nailed Ben in the crate and raped Mindy in the bathroom. At least there was some justice here, even though it was unintentional.

Not that it will make you feel any better to hear a worse tale, but at least perhaps your parents have a chance, and you may be able to help them get their shit together with each other by being the only "adult" in the family. Tell them what you feel.

Advice is like kissing: it costs nothing and it's a pleasant thing to do. (George Bernard Shaw)
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